Socialize the Losses; or Free, Base Scene B

Den and Crawl Space in Perdita Basser's House

Several weeks earlier, Perdita “PERDY” Basser (played by the same actor as the JENN, in a wig that doesn't care if the audience can tell) sits, attending to an apparatus in a small closet-like area from which a slight glow and sizzle are emitted. The den can be suggested solely by a couch. Perdy wears a short sleeved shirt and a sweater vest. Her arms hang at her sides, her hands tremble slightly. Jenn's husband, JUDD Arcaddy (played by the same actor as the NURSE) enters wearing a hockey jersey under a heavy jacket. He has a goatee which doesn't have to look too real. He stays close to the entrance O.S. left and shouts.

JUDD

Mis'ess Basser?

The guys just won their first game

thanks mostly for your son,

and we thought we'd have dinner at Shoney's-Town Hall

and we'd love it if you'd come.

Jenn would love it if you came to an RNC meeting for a free meal

I think the imported salmon is a little...

extravagant, most people would probably be fine with that rubber chicken.

He cautiously starts searching for her.

JUDD

Big EZ (Easy)—sorry—Zeke said you'd be very busy,

but I told him:

Sometimes you just have to celebrate

and be around happy people.

Reward yourself, you know?

He sees her and heads in her direction.

JUDD

Even if you're just struggling to survive.

I mean, look at our kids.

High school is the worst time ever

But Zeke and Devon have each other, right?

A Beat.

JUDD

By the way,

I'd like to know your opinion on...Planning.

...Perdy?

He takes hold of her chair and turns her to face him. Think Lila's discovery of Mother Bates at the end of Psycho. Along with her, a smoldering meth lab is revealed. He lets out a small scream, and then tentatively tries to find a way of carrying her, stomping out the remains of the fire.

JUDD

Jesus, Perdy; what are you making here?

She can only succeed in making the M sound before she spits up blood. He starts cursing, randomly interjecting until he reaches the door.

JUDD

Don't answer that.

Uh, uh...do you know what happened here, Perdy?

Uh, you—we were grilling mooseburgers to celebrate the game

and, uh, one of the stupid boys was pretending one of the little burnt ones was a puck

and you caught it right in the face.

You see? Even if we're struggling to survive.

He lays her on a couch and goes to find a towel. O.S. right.

 

JUDD

Look at the Eskimo—no,

Uh...Inuit

They're nomads and have to leave whenever their resources run out.

But we can't do that

We have to uh, assimilate and be part of civilization, you know?

I'm going to put this on your face, okay?

As he puts the towel on her face, she reaches up.

JUDD

(short burst of hysteria)

DON'T TOUCH IT!!

Ok, we're gonna go.

He carries her out and shouts O.S. Fade to black.

JUDD

ZEKE, START THE CAR!!

Okay, guys change of plans!

Instead of Shoney's, we're having mooseburgers at my house!

We're dropping you off

then I'm taking Mis'ess Basser to the doctor!

She's going to be fine!

Socialize the Losses; or Free, Base Scene A

Medical Exam Room

The removal of a cotton swab behind a privacy curtain. NURSE pulls away the curtain revealing the sitting Mayor Imogen “JENN” Arcaddy. (We know who this is supposed to be but DO NOT do the voice!) The Nurse wears scrubs in layers, Jenn wears an examination gown.

NURSE

And, with that, we're done.

I'm afraid you can't have your own clothes back;

they're evidence, right now.

We can give you scrubs

and you can raid the Lost and Found for something warmer.

We do offer a sponge bath, but most people prefer to do that at home.

They say it feels safer.

Luckily, you weren't injured.

JENN

(slight flash of panic)

Well, after four kids; and I've been doing Kegels—

A Beat.

JENN

Thank you for all this.

NURSE

Oh, there's no need.

It's almost like instinct, now.

Everything in this job runs together.

I almost forgot!

I'm supposed to offer you Plan B here.

Nurse goes to a cabinet and retrieves a sheet of pills and tears one out.

NURSE

(an instinctual recitation)

Now: this pill will release a synthetic hormone into your system

tricking your body into thinking it's already pregnant,

preventing egg release and/or fertilization.

This may cause a delay in your cycle.

Jenn takes the pill container.

NURSE

Don't open it unless you're sure

Women say they prefer to make that decision at home

and we let them

but, if you do decide to keep it, you have to get rid of the pill.

JENN

What would—?

NURSE

(sternly)

It could fuck up the baby, it could fuck up your organs, it could kill you.

All of which you can avoid if you take the pill as soon as possible.

JENN

I see.

Uh...does my plan cover this? Or—

NURSE

This is supplied by the government

Since, you know, the police are involved.

It's at the discretion of local governments

So, I guess as Mayor you're picking up the tab.

I think it's one of those things that should be Federally run, don't you?

JENN

Yeah.

The Mayor gets an idea. A Beat.

JENN

Just how many...of these incidents occur...annually...about?

Nurse looks at Jenn with a hint of scrutiny.

NURSE

...Too many.

JENN

I see, yes, of course.

A Beat.

JENN

Well, I have to carpool hockey practice tomorrow.

NURSE

I'm afraid there's one more thing.

JENN

But, it's the last game of the season.

NURSE

I hate to do this.

The Nurse finds a legal pad.

JENN

What?

NURSE

I need you to tell me everything that happened to you tonight.

JENN

But I already—

NURSE

I know.

That was mostly to see if you are alright

(gestures to her own head)

up there.

JENN

I see.

NURSE

This is the actual interview.

I know it's difficult but I need you to tell me the complete story of what happened

 

in as much detail as p—

JENN

I'm sorry, but are you the one who should be doing this?

NURSE

It isn't exactly protocol, but I'm the only person in the area who's qualified and awake right now,

but if you're really a stickler, I have the other guy's home number on speed dial...

Jenn's request is withdrawn with silence.

NURSE

Okay.

Take your time.

You are safe.

There is a counselor in the next room if you need her

She has coffee, tea and cocoa at the ready.

So: whenever you want to begin;

in as much detail as you can.

Jenn adjusts herself. A pause before Blackout.

Two Things from 20/4/09

The Harold Lloyd film that used the word "Chink" more times than I had ever heard heretofore and was actually pretty revelatory of the present.

The woman's J her P face when she shook BHO's hand (she was faking it).

Personal Observation

Shaving a three month old beard is like opening the most disappointing, least surprising present, ever.