Socialize the Losses; or Free, Base Scene G

Shoney's-Town Hall

A few hours later, mild disarray. JUDD is on the table tearing down bunting, GILL, sitting is taking advantage of the situation. He sings the last verses of “North to Alaska” beating a rhythm on the table.

GILL

George turned to Sam with his gold in his hand

Said, “Sam you're a-lookin' at a lonely, lonely man.

I'd trade all the gold that's buried in this land

For one small band of gold to place on sweet, little Jenny's hand,

“'Cause a man needs a woman to love him all the time.

Remember Sam a true love is so hard to find.

I'd build for my Jenny a honeymoon home

Below that old White Mountain just a little southeast of Nome”

A Beat.

GILL

A hell of a party.

Judd looks down and smiles nervously.

GILL

Jenny is really quite the forceful and executive speaker.

I'm sorry we couldn't get Perdita here;

we—

...There was a situation.

A too firm tug from Judd.

GILL

Can I ask you a few questions, Judd?

With trembling hand, Judd allows Gill to assist him down, he sits. Gill pulls out his pad.

GILL

This is completely informal

but I want to be certain of a few things.

When Perdita Basser was treated for burns to her face,

you told me she had been struck with a grilled mooseburger.

Judd responds with a small, vigorous head nod.

GILL

Which, on its way to her face,

went through a glass of spiked—maybe—lemonade.

The nod again.

GILL

You didn't directly witness any of this,

A shake this time.

GILL

but you kindly saw it as your duty to take her to the ER.

A nod.

GILL

It's been quite a string of bad luck for her:

First her husband goes MIA...

or was the euphemism AWOL?

And since then she's had this chronic congestion

and now this.

Do you know how much cough syrup she's had to buy?

A blank stare straight ahead.

GILL

I would say it's too much for five people

but I don't have chronic congestion.

 

The strange thing is, she only bought enough to avoid suspicion—

A sharp intake of breath.

GILL

“Suspicion of what?” you ask?

Well, cough syrup isn't only used to bring mucus to the tip of the throat.

It can be made into—let's call it “cherry candy”.

O, and Mis'ess Basser treated it like an art,

“Perdy's spring harvest is gonna make you see through time,” you'd hear the Treasurer say.

Today, Phinny and I went to her house to find out what, exactly, she was growing

and we found out when it blew up.

Thank God it wasn't in her face this time

and thank god it wasn't a mooseburger.

A Beat.

GILL

I hope you didn't tell Jenn about it.

We see Judd losing his temper and feel the threat of an impending fight. Blackout.