Socialize the Losses; or Free, Base Scene H

Shot or Get off the Pit

A bar, Karaoke area upstage. Toby Keith (any song, or an imitation) quietly churns and hisses at us through speakers that seem to only have tweeters. FINN is at the bar, JENN is standing by the toilets on a cell phone.

JENN

(too controlled, too articulate)

You are in what, Judd?...

Why, ever, would you punch him?...

I see.

This isn't good for the image, Judd...

She walks back to the bar.

JENN

Well, I think you should just stay there for the night; we'll think of something to do...

Would you like to speak with your brother?...

She gives Finn the phone. His face goes from general pleasantness to disbelief to concern. He closes the phone and gives it back to the Mayor.

FINN

Your husband is very mad at me

and I think I know why.

JENN

Why would Judd be mad at you?

FINN

I know about Perdita Basser,

and I'm pretty sure you know too.

JENN

And I know you're too kind to let that hurt me or Judd.

She takes his hand and puts his head on her shoulder. He kisses her and immediately breaks away; some spastic apologies. Music fades out.

JENN                                                                         FINN

 

Oh, Christmas on a Cracker!—                             Oh my God, I'm so sorry!—It's just—

No, don't, it's alright.                                                 you look like he did without the...

He points to his face.

FINN

Oh. It's my turn.

Finn on Karaoke: “When It's Springtime in Alaska (It's Forty Below)” with air guitar solo. Jenn examines herself with a spoon.

JENN

Oh.

I do, don't I?

The song ends, Finn returns.

JENN

Ugh! I can't see myself as a woman, now!

She throws away the spoon.

FINN

(smiling)

The better to fill you with cruelty.

JENN

Well, I could say the same to you.

A beat.

FINN

(trying and failing to hide an emotional breakdown)

This can only end horribly.

JENN

Don't say that.

We are all capable of being saved.

We can all be kind, we can all be fond.

FINN

(smiling, wondering)

...How?

Jenn stands, offering her hand.

JENN

...If you can't be nice, at least be vague.

A pause before Finn has an hysterical fit of laughter, falling to the floor. Jenn assists Finn, now covered in sawdust, to his feet. Exeunt, with difficulty.

Fin